somniare.

sometimes, my head explodes

from my window June 10, 2008

Filed under: slightly insane — somniare @ 7:51 am

There appears to be a bark encrusted letter ‘Y’ protruding from the ground in my back yard. Most would see a tree standing strong and established in the very place I’m looking. I see an ominous member of the alphabet lurking and leaning inexorably to some great fall in a distant future.

How bored is my mind that I’ve grown tired of seeing basic shapes, colors, or textures. I’ve somehow managed to degrade natural beauty into a malicious torture device appearing to me for the sole purpose of seeing my insanity even more clearly.

This tree is driving me mad. If it would stop looking like a colossal monument to a question that plagues me every second of every day, we might possibly be able to coexist in peace. I’ve lost respect for this tree since it obviously has no regard for language and couldn’t be bothered to grow in a way that spelled ‘WHY’. Lazy tree. It is only one limb short of being creative and abstract. As it is, all I can see is an immature text message from the apparently lackadaisical Mother Nature.

Who knows though. Perhaps I am meeting this tree too early in its life. It could be growing that extra limb as I speak and slowly becoming the testament it was always meant to be. I can imagine myself moving away from here and then dropping by fifty years later to see if it had achieved its greater purpose. I can imagine showing up and finding that it had amounted to nothing in its life and still remains an indolent failure. I would disown the tree then. Perhaps I’ll cut it down in the name of foresight and repression. This tree is holding me back, man… I have to get it before it gets me. It’s never going to be anything special and it’s only going to raise its spawn to be just like it!

The tree and I could have just crossed paths too early in its development and my seething hatred is only hindering its evolution. In my experience, that happens all too often. Granted, not often with trees, but certainly in the more sane realms of communication. I’m just going to look the other way and question the hieroglyphics forming in the fading stain on my deck.